Wednesday, October 3, 2012

New Video of Me Twirling Things!

YouTube

Spanish

When I auditioned to get in a movie in a program, the Spanish people or at least one girl who was Spanish asked or like said I was Spanish!  :0

Song Uploaded!

YouTube

Why My Mom Sacrificed Her Thumb-Nail

So, lots of good things happening to someone who's not really perfect.. by everyone's standards outwardly, these days.

Why, would something bad happen to me?

Edit: The pink part on one of her thumbs is much shorter.

New Videos of Me on YouTube

YouTube

If the links don't work:

1 2

The other video has 9 minutes left to load and then has to process.

Nice Spanish-Sounding Ciaccona

It said Ensemble - Kapsbeiger - Ciaccona

I'm loading a good copy to my YouTube, but here's another one meanwhile: YouTube.

New Video of Me Singing and Playing the Piano

YouTube

Jail

In my dream, I was walking around this place without my shirt on and I thought it was okay and didn't realize I was too old.  There was a booth.  It was like light and light blue and silvery stuff and clear and open.  Like ea rouded botth.  So, I think there were some tall fat black police or one and some other people.  I went into the girls bathroom to fix my mistake, but they showed up with like the tube you put down people's stomachs or up their urinary tract when they arrest you or pump shrimp out of you and said like I was going to jail and maybe some other things.  I was so mad, but I don't know what I did.  I think there were girls from ballet or dance in the bathroom.

Lobster Tail

So, did I tell you go a huge lobster tail.  I screamed when I opened it.  Iw as like crusty and gray and the outside and soft and pink on the inside, maybe 1|@ fott long.

There was a spider like 1" long kinda dying, and my mom folded a paper towel over it.  I just took out 3 bugs from my bathroom that have been there awhile.

STARVING

A Fair and Far Family

My family is fair, but the indian side is fairest.

My Private

I do have something there.
Website

An Animal

My parents try to teach me a lesson for things out of my control, and they do it in sick ways, like over my lifetime, and never let me function as a proper person.  Instead, I've become an animal.

My Dad

My dad is distrustful or untrustworthy.  I know most people sympathize with me and he's just trying to show off and like affects my life in bad ways.  I'm not supposed to have to look out for him.

Awake

Ugh!  I had a long session of sex in my bed.  Visions of kids having sex overcame me.

I decided something in the end.  I decided there was something I didn't want to do.  Something looming over me that didn't make sense.  I'm kinda sad because I was having fun, but I wake up terrified when this happens.

Anyway, I had a nice dream.  I was at church.  I was supposedly supposed to be at home, and my keyboard was just set up, which it is.  However, it was like in the middle of the church on a stage.  I saw the choir up there and wanted to say hi to the director.  I was supposed to be in choir but I guess forgot.

Anyway, earlier on, I saw Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres playing the pedals on the organ.  I can't do that, but then I tried and realized I could...

I'm not sure what happened.  I couldn't get myself to feel good.  I was feeling my blanket in between my private, and it felt good.  When I was up north, I felt good on my breast.  Well, I'm supposed toget new bed sheets.  :)

Ugh!  I guess I should get ready or take a shower.  I was gonna work out.  I was all tired out.  I probably should.  I don't have to watch TV now.  I kinda wanna lie down again.  Something overcame me yesterday.  I ate a lot of food but not too heavy and had gotten quite cranky so lay down and stopped thinking at the computer.

I guess I didn't feel good because my dad didn't want to go to to more than one store yesterday.  Now, it's stretching on into the week.  I hope he liked his free time, yesterday.

Oh!  I just had to masterbate, but I'm not telling you why.  Since, I had been feeling like I was masterbating, when I did, it wasn't that big, really, so I'm glad about that.  Still, it offed me from my bed.  D:  Which I needed to do, anyway, so.  I knew I had to do it.  I don't really masterbate that long, and when it feels more like it, that tingly feeling, I do it a little and then stop.  I don't think it will continue.  :|

It's hard to understand, lots of people of different ages don't seem to be very masterbatory.  Hm.  I wonder if I am.  I guess I should have gotten that blanket last night.  Well, maybe not.  What's gonna happen now?  I got mad yesterday.  I think the Asian guy at the fish market at Publix upset me.  He seemed friendly, but I got a different vibe after, like the spa lady who I thought made me call someone the "n" word who I thought wanted me to.  I know the idea was planted in my head by like 7 people!  80  It's a lie!  Wow, never communicate with me through telepathy!  Don't convince me the "n" word is fun.

I had problems before this, though.  I try not to masterbate, and sometimes it affects me a lot...  So, up north, I thought it would make me go to Heaven because I was experiencing all this magic.  I tried to do it quite a lot but couldn't when I came home to Orlando.  I thought it was just something you were supposed to do because it was pleasurable.  I guess I found I couldn't do it and could do other things.  Later on, I found other ways, you might say, but I wanted to be stimulated in other fashions.  I'm not sure what was going no nor why I was so stripped of my dignity.  I  think people are just racist to me.  }:[  If I was made to feel enough during the day, I wouldn't have to make up for it at night or in other ways at other times, like over extended periods of years!  I'm not like my parents, though, but I set out to be the best, the best I can be.

I don't really want to work out nor watch TV now but want to keep up.  Maybe, I will go to bed.  I want to review my videos from last night.

Ugh!  And I have to go to the bathroom, which isn't disgusting, but want to finish my thoughts.  That might be why I had to masterbate.  You know, when I ate healthily, the water in my belly felt good.  So, I dunno about my diet, now.  I hope it makes me feel better.  I do feel much calmer, but that was only when I masterbated.  :p

I don't know if I thought of some good feelings, too...  Some things came to me that were "good," good to me, too, I guess, but I kinda don't want to go back and am unsure of just why...

I am just glad these things are over and that they happened.  I hope I can think of something else.

My forehead feels big in the front now, too, though.

I'm excited about BUYING things!  8D

Ah, yes, I found it age appropriate, for some odd reason, for me to delve into some things in certain ways.  I don't know how much I like it in that way, quite, but it had to happen one day.  I don't quite get it but think I do, now.

I feel kinda bad, like my parents think I was kinda worthless, though, like it was okay if I was unappealing, like just to be mean to me.

I wanna eat soon.

Like, don't your parents affect how you look in good or bad ways?  Like, my parents are wanting to make sure I'm punished enough and don't get stimulated in wrong ways in public.  Still, I don't need to be throgged.

Some suggestive things that have happened kinda made me masterbate, sorry to who I masterbated to, guess you did it on purpose so I'd have something.  I took down my kid pictures to make sure no one masterbated to be like me.  I have some good pictures but an unsure of where they are just, maybe get a good one.

Upset

I guess something my mom did sorta offset me, and something came to my mind I couldn't really control easily about my dad.  I thought of blubber and like as guts.  I just had a bunch of sushi and some swordfish.

My Big Opportunity

You all know you bug me when others do things I should have done.  Why infest me with your wicked deeds when something good happens to me when I deserve it?  Where's my back-up?  Shows what you're really made of, anyway, just jealous and wicked.  I'm not even mean.  I'm just like every other person!!!!!

X's

I think it's dangerous to bring someone's X's kids into the picture.

Ellen DeGeneres and Kids

I wish Ellen DeGeneres had kids, but she's so there for the world.  She seems genuinely interested in others, though.

Well, I don't have kids, myself.  I imagine it's a lot to take.  I think I will have kids someday, but I realize that other things in life are important, too, like other people and that people move on.

I know Ellen DeGeneres is homosexual, but I guess she could have kids.  I'm not sure if I would.  I'm not sure if homosexual males usually have kids, but it would be nice.

Bothered

It seems that my parents are actually under the illusion that there are a set of protocols that Caucasians follow, like if you get antsy about something, like with someone else, that you have to keep doing it, and it's bothering me a lot!  People are under the belief that I have to pay for my sins beecause I am so twisted.  I think I can escape.  I always wanted to move to L.A., but I guess a lot of people moved there in the movies so maybe not.  I'm still at home, not feeling like applying to that acting and modeling agency just yet.  I have one left.  In January, I can do a live audition.

I've had such a hard life, it doesn't make sense and it makes me wonder how others's lives went.  I just got some good food.  2 packs of sushi w|o the cheese.  2 swordfish and a lobster tail, which is huge, like bigger than most fish you eat.  It's pretty thick.

Won't Leave Me Alone

I know I've already said, "I'm imperfect."  If I mess up, it seems I am incessantly bugged.  Supposedly, if I get mad, I wanted to do something bad.

It's okay, but it makes me feel embarrassed when it becomes public.