Thursday, October 4, 2012
Making Fun of Me
You can't convince me that you go out of your way to make fun of me and then say it was to reassure me.
How Old You Are
I know my parents had younger parents when they were born, so it worries me. What about people with older parents? Do they always feel older?
California
They seem to put a lot of pressure on their bodies and get roused up, so we have to just plow through and deal with it as it comes smoothly. Wait, why is it coming so smoothly? ,:
Silly Illusions in England and the U.S.
You don't have to be a certain way to receive something. What makes you think you're so special that you don't have to do anything to deserve something and that other people don't deserve anything, ever, some kinda scheme?
They think racially you have to be a certain way at a certain time and then after that you can't like enjoy yourself because the world isn't perfect.
They think racially you have to be a certain way at a certain time and then after that you can't like enjoy yourself because the world isn't perfect.
Being the Oldest
So, why do my parents think I'm not as good just because I'm the oldest?
Also, I don't want to lose my dignity to being menial to older people. I mean, from reveling in their attention. It's like I'm not ready for something. Pretty much, I just keep going until I get things straight. I don't want to do anything weird.
Also, I don't want to lose my dignity to being menial to older people. I mean, from reveling in their attention. It's like I'm not ready for something. Pretty much, I just keep going until I get things straight. I don't want to do anything weird.
Fun
I never have real fun. I want to see people, and I want to see people who are worth it. People always skirt away from me and don't connect and then invade my privact so that I have none.
My Life
I pretty much did what I was supposed to, and what do I get? Bickering for when I'm off-kilter as though I were intentionally bad and others are all right.
Some Things I Don't Believe Are
important. I guess I'm trying to get it all out before Frankenweenie.
Why do some people make up things? Why do I get cornered? My life is far from perfect, and other people deserve the misery I have more than me.
If you think I'm ugly, I'm not intentionally bad. Try living my life, how I'm treated.
Why do some people make up things? Why do I get cornered? My life is far from perfect, and other people deserve the misery I have more than me.
If you think I'm ugly, I'm not intentionally bad. Try living my life, how I'm treated.
Special Things
The point is that if something's not special to you, then it wouldn't happen.
It's not really even that tacky literally in that way.
It's not really even that tacky literally in that way.
A Conspiracy
You think 2 opposites become important to the person in the middle but can never pick one extreme as better.
}:|
I will not make myself look bad because someone thinks it must be bad to be good because it makes other people jealous. Also, you didn't make other people do it where they deserved it, which they did more than me.
Probably Doesn't Matter
So, who do you blame? Like, I know I've got on pretty well with people. I don't really want to get mad for no reason and be the one to look foolish for it. I don't want my life hammered in foolishly just because I can get a temper when people rile me up. After awhile, it probably doesn't matter.
Queasy
Oh, so you're so queasy you have to keep pushing the envelope. Some people don't have a right to really be involved in my life in certain ways. So, I'll say what I want. It's pretty much because of other people wanting attention from others and being afraid of things and not really having anything to say and for some reason not doing what they're supposed to do. It's like they don't want to be normal, too, for some reason. Some things are theoretical at certain stages.
Tossing Things Around
I will not sit here fascinated with my mistakes that have reasons that I'm not afraid to admit. They're all concrete reasons. It's not something abstract, like because it's good to hurt someone or maybe I really hurt them and then wanted to cheer them up, though I've done things like that a lot.
Oh
So, supposedly, if my life were already an experiment, it wouldn't matter. Now, why wouldn't it matter, then? If something doesn't matter, then it means like you do other things, instead. You try to be good, but people all wanna let lose. Some things are too hard for most people to do. You can't tell me I'm a bad person because you don't wanna feel sorry for me.
WHAT'S YOUR GODDAMNED FREAKIN' PROBLEM?
Why do you all have nothing to say to me? You talk to other people. You ruined my life!
Tired?
I wonder if I need to go to bed. Maybe. I'm hungry. I went to bed yesterday when I became upset. I kinda don't want to. I wanna wake up and watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." Maybe, I'll wait for the weekend to go shopping.
It's funny how people ... hard to think. People want me to feel something but like something else funny I forget because my brain is in a process of shutting down. I guess I have to exercise it. Oh yes, I'm also not just straight and narrow. I like to do everything.
It's funny how people ... hard to think. People want me to feel something but like something else funny I forget because my brain is in a process of shutting down. I guess I have to exercise it. Oh yes, I'm also not just straight and narrow. I like to do everything.
Agreement
I think most people agree with the severity of some crimes. I wonder if they fear for their lives and their dignity as I have kept my wits about me in dealing with others, like Tim Burton, with whom I ended up believing his girlfriend wanted me to call their daughter the "n" word and that I was encouraged in an experiment to do it but that of course it was in a funny way. I don't want to hurt anyone. Plus, there was a reason.
Unimportant
It's unimportant to me sometimes some people. I've found that like no one is that important. I've made lots of people important to me, though, just some attract the most attention. I think people have to search themselves and change and build themselves to be what they want gradually. :|
Get it in it in your head that...
If something's not okay for me it will be okay for someone else! Good day!
Intelligence
Supposedly, that paves the way outta most people's heads. What, am I just cranky I've been up, up doing what, though? Oh, yea, having fun on Tumblr.
Apparently, people think I have power and are affected by what I say. Pretty much, I haven't been shown off for my intelligence because I'm already right, just not perfect in how I function. Who's a robot, anyway?
Apparently, people think I have power and are affected by what I say. Pretty much, I haven't been shown off for my intelligence because I'm already right, just not perfect in how I function. Who's a robot, anyway?
"You're Stupid"
I just felt really disturbed thinking about someone and someone who is daintily obsessed with their persona and their relationship with me. I guess, first, I was mad, for some other reason, but I forget and then associated something with something that doesn't matter. People are able to imprint things on my mind and make me feel in a certain spot in a hard way, but I'm getting my wits about me. People think, oh well, I might die, but they might die. I'm a bit upset because I feel I was made to "emit curse words," but it was less like I formulated and caused it. I don't like to be let down for getting mad, but I'm getting used to getting these curse words out of my head more gradually. They'd been surrounding me and taken out of me.
Please stop bothering me for no reason. I can say what I want and it doesn't mean anything when you get mad.
Please stop bothering me for no reason. I can say what I want and it doesn't mean anything when you get mad.
Good Life Commercial from the Internet
It's a Disney commercial that stopped, well ad, where you see like kids with white hair twirling and bouncing in succession. It just seems to all flow as the ideal, though they are off. They were all kinda like me, rounded out but like not in any one extreme. However, they had like sorta that look of having red hair, with the white eyebrows. I guess their faces were kinda sloppy, but that could be in style. They were definitely in step. :| Talk about a life of no work. The only work is being corrected friendily for being wrong, which seems to blow harder when you're not made to think and stuff and like usually be harsh on yourself, I mean. I think all people feel, but some people have like all very dark hair. I was never like that. I was born with hair that looked wood-colored up close but black far away, like my parents had black hair since they were little. I am not sure about my brother, but there was a time when it was like light brown but not like tan.
Hair Color...
It's funny that with some people you just go all out and make an exception with things like hair color and having "opposites attract." Why not just let someone be who they are and not be defined by the confines of HAIR COLOR? Oh yes, I was attacted to a commercial with all blonds. It was an ad online of kids with white hair at Disney. You know, why does Ellen DeGeneres dye her hair? It's not white, anymore. That matters to me, not to anyone else, see?
I felt on myself inflicted a sense of pain.
So, people are settled that they can use me to make me feel like masturbating. Well, I think lots of people have to. I'm not aware that it would make the other person masturbate. I never tried to hurt anyone, like that. 8|
Relationships
I have to read a book on that about personality types.
I noticed that after you have a family you are expected to interact with others. So, I wonder, why kill yourself now being lonely? I don't really feel raped. I just interact in certain ways and in certain ways with certain people, pretty crystal clear,. You can't change that.
I noticed that after you have a family you are expected to interact with others. So, I wonder, why kill yourself now being lonely? I don't really feel raped. I just interact in certain ways and in certain ways with certain people, pretty crystal clear,. You can't change that.
Ellen DeGeneres
Why as a kid did she look like the stereotype of a younger generation yet claim to be an older generation? She seems to now claim it's wrong to look like that generation!
Clicks
People are mean and click with others for the wrong reasons.
Like, you see that someone isn't really happy until they're with someone. You are happy for them, but then you realize that's the story of your life. It's funny because you like the same people everyone else likes, and you're the only one who admits it.
Johnny Depp got a tattoo on the crack of his arm that says "Ellen." He was on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" with 2 people from Dark Shadows. Now, Selena Gomez has a tattoo. Ellen made me think of the word "kill" etc. when I saw her on her show. Actually, I know I was just mad that day, but I don't know who made me mad. Pretty much, it's layer upon layer upon layer of feeling insulted, "like it's not enough." I wasn't really mad at anyone as an attack. I think she got the tatto after, on the back of her neck, like roons (sp?) or something. I think they were roman numerals, starting with like an "L," which is funny, because my mom's name is Lenny. That's not her original name. I think it was Go Lin Yo. I don't know "what else..." I mean, I know the rest of her name. =}
There are probably lots of things going around, but maybe I'll end here for now. Oh yes, Amber Heard is getting together with supposedly Johnny Depp, with whom I've seen photos, and supposedly, I read today on Tumblr and elsewhere online, with Amber Heard. I just recently made friends with Emma Stone on Twitter... It's interesting, their names both have stones. My dad had kidney stones when I was upset at home recently and was in the hospital and came home a little after midnight, I think.
Like, you see that someone isn't really happy until they're with someone. You are happy for them, but then you realize that's the story of your life. It's funny because you like the same people everyone else likes, and you're the only one who admits it.
Johnny Depp got a tattoo on the crack of his arm that says "Ellen." He was on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" with 2 people from Dark Shadows. Now, Selena Gomez has a tattoo. Ellen made me think of the word "kill" etc. when I saw her on her show. Actually, I know I was just mad that day, but I don't know who made me mad. Pretty much, it's layer upon layer upon layer of feeling insulted, "like it's not enough." I wasn't really mad at anyone as an attack. I think she got the tatto after, on the back of her neck, like roons (sp?) or something. I think they were roman numerals, starting with like an "L," which is funny, because my mom's name is Lenny. That's not her original name. I think it was Go Lin Yo. I don't know "what else..." I mean, I know the rest of her name. =}
There are probably lots of things going around, but maybe I'll end here for now. Oh yes, Amber Heard is getting together with supposedly Johnny Depp, with whom I've seen photos, and supposedly, I read today on Tumblr and elsewhere online, with Amber Heard. I just recently made friends with Emma Stone on Twitter... It's interesting, their names both have stones. My dad had kidney stones when I was upset at home recently and was in the hospital and came home a little after midnight, I think.
Why I Do Not Accept
I will not sit here and rat at all on your personal relationships. I guess some countries are like that. They don't make sense. They just want things to be mumbo jumbo. WELL, MUMBO JUMBO UP SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE, THEN.
So, the reason was that this all happened for a reason, and when things like that happen they mean something. Not only that, hard to say what I'm thinking exactly in English now for some reason, though it's in English, but it's what the message is when you think about it. I know I'm upset my life is so poor and I'm made to feel guilty and stretched apart for being too poor and too fortunate. I am not comfortable. I don't have to work, but I'm tired from my school days and the "n" word thing.
So, the reason was that this all happened for a reason, and when things like that happen they mean something. Not only that, hard to say what I'm thinking exactly in English now for some reason, though it's in English, but it's what the message is when you think about it. I know I'm upset my life is so poor and I'm made to feel guilty and stretched apart for being too poor and too fortunate. I am not comfortable. I don't have to work, but I'm tired from my school days and the "n" word thing.
Everyone can tell.
Why am I telling anyone this? I guess because it's my blog. People all know people like Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Ellen DeGeneres, and Orla Fallon have submitted their lives away from the public after promising them great services to others and the ability to extend themselves to that special someone when needed.
I think it was all planned.
People think that not feeling anything is okay. I think that you can feel certain ways if others do. I think it's good not to be too inhibited. You can start out one way and like be helped along the way.
I think it was all planned.
People think that not feeling anything is okay. I think that you can feel certain ways if others do. I think it's good not to be too inhibited. You can start out one way and like be helped along the way.
People Who Do Outrageous Things
I don't owe anything to people who have decided to do things for me that they don't have to do in order to say I'm a bad person even though I try so hard to be good and am never given pointers openly, never, never anything, and now never anything if I get mad that makes sense.
Mad
It seems my Grandma has controlled my life. I wasn't willing to submit myself, but I wanted to engage in intelligent conversation, not just be a spokes show host.
Coming to Too Many Conclusions for No Good Reason, Supposedly?
I don't really think so. I know I learned to think well that way from living in the nation's oldest city, which was Spanish, and in Northeastern Florida. I came to even more magical conclusions when we moved to the New Orleans area, which is predominantly French suggested, very much so, even in the suburbs and regions extending, technically speaking.
Happy
I'm having so much fun watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." If she is married, then whey doesn't she have kids? It's just another relationship to complain about to everyone and to like just talk about that ha the time.
I feel guilty she spends so much attention on me. She's better than Tim Burton. She goes on Twitter each day, but she's on all day! She shouldn't be. She needs to get a blog. End of story. For me, Twitter is something on the side. Basically, I feel bad that my life is all about business and making others smarter and not about me being treated as I should be, like I can feel but really I'm always in the wrong and can't really function how I wanted. I already was set to make things as they should be, but I see that people have all pretty much abandoned me. 8|
With Tim Burton, he veered off obsessed with his daughter, which he really may be in a way, unsure. Maybe, he just listens to my dad, who just answers to his mom? It's, like, my life is an experiment!
All he thinks about is that. Johnny Depp seems to have admitted that that's what, it's about your kids, not your fans. I don't approve of that, at all. I always get in the fun with others. You can't control it when I become the center of attention. People even give me a respectable distance when they esteem me or rub in how good I am in ways I don't even care about by saying they are willing to commit themselves to a dedicated relationship with me or just hang too friendily and too respectfully.
I think Helena Bonham Carter has made it clear that if she's not respected or something she doesn't want to be in the relationship. Even her daughter, who people acted like she wanted me to call her the "n" word when she was only just about 2 years old, gets in trouble for being nice to me when it like doesn't make sense or feels like or senses that it irks someone, perhaps for no particular reason, and it also may be that things happen for no good reason, from people like Tim Burton. It's my dad who comes up with things that don
t "feel" good and at random, like it's cool. Basically, going back, if that's okay, the world centers on Tim Burton's daughter because I thought people wanted me to call her the "n" word and just for fun because she thought it was cute, kinda like for fun, you know? Like black people do except I guess there was a reason and it was actually like what I said but as though it was and there existed the reason for self-defense.
So, I don't want to just be thinking about how good other people are for being born, like me being born was a mistake because I'm mixed race.
I feel guilty she spends so much attention on me. She's better than Tim Burton. She goes on Twitter each day, but she's on all day! She shouldn't be. She needs to get a blog. End of story. For me, Twitter is something on the side. Basically, I feel bad that my life is all about business and making others smarter and not about me being treated as I should be, like I can feel but really I'm always in the wrong and can't really function how I wanted. I already was set to make things as they should be, but I see that people have all pretty much abandoned me. 8|
With Tim Burton, he veered off obsessed with his daughter, which he really may be in a way, unsure. Maybe, he just listens to my dad, who just answers to his mom? It's, like, my life is an experiment!
All he thinks about is that. Johnny Depp seems to have admitted that that's what, it's about your kids, not your fans. I don't approve of that, at all. I always get in the fun with others. You can't control it when I become the center of attention. People even give me a respectable distance when they esteem me or rub in how good I am in ways I don't even care about by saying they are willing to commit themselves to a dedicated relationship with me or just hang too friendily and too respectfully.
I think Helena Bonham Carter has made it clear that if she's not respected or something she doesn't want to be in the relationship. Even her daughter, who people acted like she wanted me to call her the "n" word when she was only just about 2 years old, gets in trouble for being nice to me when it like doesn't make sense or feels like or senses that it irks someone, perhaps for no particular reason, and it also may be that things happen for no good reason, from people like Tim Burton. It's my dad who comes up with things that don
t "feel" good and at random, like it's cool. Basically, going back, if that's okay, the world centers on Tim Burton's daughter because I thought people wanted me to call her the "n" word and just for fun because she thought it was cute, kinda like for fun, you know? Like black people do except I guess there was a reason and it was actually like what I said but as though it was and there existed the reason for self-defense.
So, I don't want to just be thinking about how good other people are for being born, like me being born was a mistake because I'm mixed race.
Mad and Curious
So, it seems that all the people I'm into are pretty much set on like the priorities of things but rubbing in, which is what makes me mad I think, that it's because like or alludes to or changes to the idea that I'm a bad person yet somehow bound to their servitude or rather it seems they're bound to me intellectually, which is so perverted and stupid and not fun.
The Picture of My Mom
She doesn't want me to post picture of her on the internet, so tell me if you think I should take it down. I don't know if she really cares, though, especially anymore. She probably just doesn't want to talk about it. I couldn't find any good pictures of me when I was younger, though, so that might be why. I think she secretly wants me to post it, though, so her reputation as my mom is positive. I might take it down, though.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Spanish
When I auditioned to get in a movie in a program, the Spanish people or at least one girl who was Spanish asked or like said I was Spanish! :0
Why My Mom Sacrificed Her Thumb-Nail
So, lots of good things happening to someone who's not really perfect.. by everyone's standards outwardly, these days.
Why, would something bad happen to me?
Edit: The pink part on one of her thumbs is much shorter.
Why, would something bad happen to me?
Edit: The pink part on one of her thumbs is much shorter.
New Videos of Me on YouTube
Nice Spanish-Sounding Ciaccona
It said Ensemble - Kapsbeiger - Ciaccona
I'm loading a good copy to my YouTube, but here's another one meanwhile: YouTube.
I'm loading a good copy to my YouTube, but here's another one meanwhile: YouTube.
Jail
In my dream, I was walking around this place without my shirt on and I thought it was okay and didn't realize I was too old. There was a booth. It was like light and light blue and silvery stuff and clear and open. Like ea rouded botth. So, I think there were some tall fat black police or one and some other people. I went into the girls bathroom to fix my mistake, but they showed up with like the tube you put down people's stomachs or up their urinary tract when they arrest you or pump shrimp out of you and said like I was going to jail and maybe some other things. I was so mad, but I don't know what I did. I think there were girls from ballet or dance in the bathroom.
Lobster Tail
So, did I tell you go a huge lobster tail. I screamed when I opened it. Iw as like crusty and gray and the outside and soft and pink on the inside, maybe 1|@ fott long.
There was a spider like 1" long kinda dying, and my mom folded a paper towel over it. I just took out 3 bugs from my bathroom that have been there awhile.
There was a spider like 1" long kinda dying, and my mom folded a paper towel over it. I just took out 3 bugs from my bathroom that have been there awhile.
An Animal
My parents try to teach me a lesson for things out of my control, and they do it in sick ways, like over my lifetime, and never let me function as a proper person. Instead, I've become an animal.
My Dad
My dad is distrustful or untrustworthy. I know most people sympathize with me and he's just trying to show off and like affects my life in bad ways. I'm not supposed to have to look out for him.
Awake
Ugh! I had a long session of sex in my bed. Visions of kids having sex overcame me.
I decided something in the end. I decided there was something I didn't want to do. Something looming over me that didn't make sense. I'm kinda sad because I was having fun, but I wake up terrified when this happens.
Anyway, I had a nice dream. I was at church. I was supposedly supposed to be at home, and my keyboard was just set up, which it is. However, it was like in the middle of the church on a stage. I saw the choir up there and wanted to say hi to the director. I was supposed to be in choir but I guess forgot.
Anyway, earlier on, I saw Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres playing the pedals on the organ. I can't do that, but then I tried and realized I could...
I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't get myself to feel good. I was feeling my blanket in between my private, and it felt good. When I was up north, I felt good on my breast. Well, I'm supposed toget new bed sheets. :)
Ugh! I guess I should get ready or take a shower. I was gonna work out. I was all tired out. I probably should. I don't have to watch TV now. I kinda wanna lie down again. Something overcame me yesterday. I ate a lot of food but not too heavy and had gotten quite cranky so lay down and stopped thinking at the computer.
I guess I didn't feel good because my dad didn't want to go to to more than one store yesterday. Now, it's stretching on into the week. I hope he liked his free time, yesterday.
Oh! I just had to masterbate, but I'm not telling you why. Since, I had been feeling like I was masterbating, when I did, it wasn't that big, really, so I'm glad about that. Still, it offed me from my bed. D: Which I needed to do, anyway, so. I knew I had to do it. I don't really masterbate that long, and when it feels more like it, that tingly feeling, I do it a little and then stop. I don't think it will continue. :|
It's hard to understand, lots of people of different ages don't seem to be very masterbatory. Hm. I wonder if I am. I guess I should have gotten that blanket last night. Well, maybe not. What's gonna happen now? I got mad yesterday. I think the Asian guy at the fish market at Publix upset me. He seemed friendly, but I got a different vibe after, like the spa lady who I thought made me call someone the "n" word who I thought wanted me to. I know the idea was planted in my head by like 7 people! 80 It's a lie! Wow, never communicate with me through telepathy! Don't convince me the "n" word is fun.
I had problems before this, though. I try not to masterbate, and sometimes it affects me a lot... So, up north, I thought it would make me go to Heaven because I was experiencing all this magic. I tried to do it quite a lot but couldn't when I came home to Orlando. I thought it was just something you were supposed to do because it was pleasurable. I guess I found I couldn't do it and could do other things. Later on, I found other ways, you might say, but I wanted to be stimulated in other fashions. I'm not sure what was going no nor why I was so stripped of my dignity. I think people are just racist to me. }:[ If I was made to feel enough during the day, I wouldn't have to make up for it at night or in other ways at other times, like over extended periods of years! I'm not like my parents, though, but I set out to be the best, the best I can be.
I don't really want to work out nor watch TV now but want to keep up. Maybe, I will go to bed. I want to review my videos from last night.
Ugh! And I have to go to the bathroom, which isn't disgusting, but want to finish my thoughts. That might be why I had to masterbate. You know, when I ate healthily, the water in my belly felt good. So, I dunno about my diet, now. I hope it makes me feel better. I do feel much calmer, but that was only when I masterbated. :p
I don't know if I thought of some good feelings, too... Some things came to me that were "good," good to me, too, I guess, but I kinda don't want to go back and am unsure of just why...
I am just glad these things are over and that they happened. I hope I can think of something else.
My forehead feels big in the front now, too, though.
I'm excited about BUYING things! 8D
Ah, yes, I found it age appropriate, for some odd reason, for me to delve into some things in certain ways. I don't know how much I like it in that way, quite, but it had to happen one day. I don't quite get it but think I do, now.
I feel kinda bad, like my parents think I was kinda worthless, though, like it was okay if I was unappealing, like just to be mean to me.
I wanna eat soon.
Like, don't your parents affect how you look in good or bad ways? Like, my parents are wanting to make sure I'm punished enough and don't get stimulated in wrong ways in public. Still, I don't need to be throgged.
Some suggestive things that have happened kinda made me masterbate, sorry to who I masterbated to, guess you did it on purpose so I'd have something. I took down my kid pictures to make sure no one masterbated to be like me. I have some good pictures but an unsure of where they are just, maybe get a good one.
I decided something in the end. I decided there was something I didn't want to do. Something looming over me that didn't make sense. I'm kinda sad because I was having fun, but I wake up terrified when this happens.
Anyway, I had a nice dream. I was at church. I was supposedly supposed to be at home, and my keyboard was just set up, which it is. However, it was like in the middle of the church on a stage. I saw the choir up there and wanted to say hi to the director. I was supposed to be in choir but I guess forgot.
Anyway, earlier on, I saw Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres playing the pedals on the organ. I can't do that, but then I tried and realized I could...
I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't get myself to feel good. I was feeling my blanket in between my private, and it felt good. When I was up north, I felt good on my breast. Well, I'm supposed toget new bed sheets. :)
Ugh! I guess I should get ready or take a shower. I was gonna work out. I was all tired out. I probably should. I don't have to watch TV now. I kinda wanna lie down again. Something overcame me yesterday. I ate a lot of food but not too heavy and had gotten quite cranky so lay down and stopped thinking at the computer.
I guess I didn't feel good because my dad didn't want to go to to more than one store yesterday. Now, it's stretching on into the week. I hope he liked his free time, yesterday.
Oh! I just had to masterbate, but I'm not telling you why. Since, I had been feeling like I was masterbating, when I did, it wasn't that big, really, so I'm glad about that. Still, it offed me from my bed. D: Which I needed to do, anyway, so. I knew I had to do it. I don't really masterbate that long, and when it feels more like it, that tingly feeling, I do it a little and then stop. I don't think it will continue. :|
It's hard to understand, lots of people of different ages don't seem to be very masterbatory. Hm. I wonder if I am. I guess I should have gotten that blanket last night. Well, maybe not. What's gonna happen now? I got mad yesterday. I think the Asian guy at the fish market at Publix upset me. He seemed friendly, but I got a different vibe after, like the spa lady who I thought made me call someone the "n" word who I thought wanted me to. I know the idea was planted in my head by like 7 people! 80 It's a lie! Wow, never communicate with me through telepathy! Don't convince me the "n" word is fun.
I had problems before this, though. I try not to masterbate, and sometimes it affects me a lot... So, up north, I thought it would make me go to Heaven because I was experiencing all this magic. I tried to do it quite a lot but couldn't when I came home to Orlando. I thought it was just something you were supposed to do because it was pleasurable. I guess I found I couldn't do it and could do other things. Later on, I found other ways, you might say, but I wanted to be stimulated in other fashions. I'm not sure what was going no nor why I was so stripped of my dignity. I think people are just racist to me. }:[ If I was made to feel enough during the day, I wouldn't have to make up for it at night or in other ways at other times, like over extended periods of years! I'm not like my parents, though, but I set out to be the best, the best I can be.
I don't really want to work out nor watch TV now but want to keep up. Maybe, I will go to bed. I want to review my videos from last night.
Ugh! And I have to go to the bathroom, which isn't disgusting, but want to finish my thoughts. That might be why I had to masterbate. You know, when I ate healthily, the water in my belly felt good. So, I dunno about my diet, now. I hope it makes me feel better. I do feel much calmer, but that was only when I masterbated. :p
I don't know if I thought of some good feelings, too... Some things came to me that were "good," good to me, too, I guess, but I kinda don't want to go back and am unsure of just why...
I am just glad these things are over and that they happened. I hope I can think of something else.
My forehead feels big in the front now, too, though.
I'm excited about BUYING things! 8D
Ah, yes, I found it age appropriate, for some odd reason, for me to delve into some things in certain ways. I don't know how much I like it in that way, quite, but it had to happen one day. I don't quite get it but think I do, now.
I feel kinda bad, like my parents think I was kinda worthless, though, like it was okay if I was unappealing, like just to be mean to me.
I wanna eat soon.
Like, don't your parents affect how you look in good or bad ways? Like, my parents are wanting to make sure I'm punished enough and don't get stimulated in wrong ways in public. Still, I don't need to be throgged.
Some suggestive things that have happened kinda made me masterbate, sorry to who I masterbated to, guess you did it on purpose so I'd have something. I took down my kid pictures to make sure no one masterbated to be like me. I have some good pictures but an unsure of where they are just, maybe get a good one.
Upset
I guess something my mom did sorta offset me, and something came to my mind I couldn't really control easily about my dad. I thought of blubber and like as guts. I just had a bunch of sushi and some swordfish.
My Big Opportunity
You all know you bug me when others do things I should have done. Why infest me with your wicked deeds when something good happens to me when I deserve it? Where's my back-up? Shows what you're really made of, anyway, just jealous and wicked. I'm not even mean. I'm just like every other person!!!!!
Ellen DeGeneres and Kids
I wish Ellen DeGeneres had kids, but she's so there for the world. She seems genuinely interested in others, though.
Well, I don't have kids, myself. I imagine it's a lot to take. I think I will have kids someday, but I realize that other things in life are important, too, like other people and that people move on.
I know Ellen DeGeneres is homosexual, but I guess she could have kids. I'm not sure if I would. I'm not sure if homosexual males usually have kids, but it would be nice.
Well, I don't have kids, myself. I imagine it's a lot to take. I think I will have kids someday, but I realize that other things in life are important, too, like other people and that people move on.
I know Ellen DeGeneres is homosexual, but I guess she could have kids. I'm not sure if I would. I'm not sure if homosexual males usually have kids, but it would be nice.
Bothered
It seems that my parents are actually under the illusion that there are a set of protocols that Caucasians follow, like if you get antsy about something, like with someone else, that you have to keep doing it, and it's bothering me a lot! People are under the belief that I have to pay for my sins beecause I am so twisted. I think I can escape. I always wanted to move to L.A., but I guess a lot of people moved there in the movies so maybe not. I'm still at home, not feeling like applying to that acting and modeling agency just yet. I have one left. In January, I can do a live audition.
I've had such a hard life, it doesn't make sense and it makes me wonder how others's lives went. I just got some good food. 2 packs of sushi w|o the cheese. 2 swordfish and a lobster tail, which is huge, like bigger than most fish you eat. It's pretty thick.
I've had such a hard life, it doesn't make sense and it makes me wonder how others's lives went. I just got some good food. 2 packs of sushi w|o the cheese. 2 swordfish and a lobster tail, which is huge, like bigger than most fish you eat. It's pretty thick.
Won't Leave Me Alone
I know I've already said, "I'm imperfect." If I mess up, it seems I am incessantly bugged. Supposedly, if I get mad, I wanted to do something bad.
It's okay, but it makes me feel embarrassed when it becomes public.
It's okay, but it makes me feel embarrassed when it becomes public.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Publix
I was at the grocery and looking at the pads for like 10 minutes. I finally saw a 2nd one I liked that had like twice as much.
Cracker Barrel
I didn't get my dessert! However, I ordered my appetizer early, not getting it next time.
Dream
The most memorable in a way, well not exactly, was at first. I can't remember, but, for some reason, I needed to be comforted, was pretty sad, needed "my mommy" or something... My mom would just shape me up and not act mushy. So there was "this lady..." She looked like that Swedish singer on YouTube, Siw Inger, in "Di Zeit is Reit" or something, but supposedly it was Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres. So, she was like sitting on a block or something. It wasn't really like it was her or anyone. I guess, I thought of it since I made the pictures with her. Come to think of it, she reminded me of a girl with a drawl at a hotel in Texas during a hurricane with bleached hair saying she I think wanted to "go to the store." So, this person I imagined cuddled me I guess sitting down on the smooth, clean floor, kinda like an art building, next to her. I just realized Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres has those yellow blocks she sits on in her profile picture I know on Twitter and YouTube I think. The blocks in my dream were white. I guss other people were there, kids and like an obese boy, and somehow she lay on her back, not like anyone in real life much at all at this point nor ever in a way extremely much in a way, and so I was like strattling over her waste and she was probably rubbing me or something. I was still sad. She tried to pick me up but couldn't. She was much bigger than me. I guess the bottom of her bust was to my armpits. She like jerked me up a few times and made a face, like seething her teeth or something. I laughed and thought like I said well what did you think, thinking of myself weighted down but not thinking at the moment directly that I needed to lose body fat.
I guess my next dream was most satisfying. My aunt just fixed up my hair in a high ponytail. I was in Pennsylvania, where my ancestors are from, and I was getting ready but all alive saying, after my cousin said I'm the shyest girl which she's the opposite, in Florida I'm shy, people go around like this, and I acted all agitated constantly looking around and realized and said I'm not shy in Pennsylvania, which I didn't feel so supple when I was there.
So, I was like leaning into my aunt, and it felt good, different, probably not how I feel in real life concerning her.
Something disturbing, I was in a room with 2 boys. I was finishing up a long thin kinda bigger bottle of like orange soda. I think I was lying down, maybe had to go to the bathroom, thinking of things like test tubes. The boys goy my dad. Somehow, it made me upset, and I think my mom came in, but in a way I don't think so.
Oh yes, when I woke up after the lady, my arms mostly were trembling, like as though I did that to myself, and then my legs were, too, for some reason.
So, I was upset at my dad and imagined for some reason, in kinda an offset way I didn't like, maybe because I was lazy, that I was being comforted for getting mad but not hysterical.
I think the happiest part was in Pennsylvania. There was a nice-looking girl who came in with a younger sister, who was pretty young, and she took an interest in me. She seemed so interesting, it was neat when I saw her spark up as she exited the room. I was also talking to a shorter, fatter brunette.
I know, I feel very like stiff and weighted, almost like trembling, from doing weight training, strength training. I haven't done much of that in my life.
Okay, so, then, I woke up again, and I imagined that my hand was being held, then someone putting their arm around my shoulder, and then picking me up. "I wonder what that means?"
I wanted to stay in bed but finally decided to get up!
I guess my next dream was most satisfying. My aunt just fixed up my hair in a high ponytail. I was in Pennsylvania, where my ancestors are from, and I was getting ready but all alive saying, after my cousin said I'm the shyest girl which she's the opposite, in Florida I'm shy, people go around like this, and I acted all agitated constantly looking around and realized and said I'm not shy in Pennsylvania, which I didn't feel so supple when I was there.
So, I was like leaning into my aunt, and it felt good, different, probably not how I feel in real life concerning her.
Something disturbing, I was in a room with 2 boys. I was finishing up a long thin kinda bigger bottle of like orange soda. I think I was lying down, maybe had to go to the bathroom, thinking of things like test tubes. The boys goy my dad. Somehow, it made me upset, and I think my mom came in, but in a way I don't think so.
Oh yes, when I woke up after the lady, my arms mostly were trembling, like as though I did that to myself, and then my legs were, too, for some reason.
So, I was upset at my dad and imagined for some reason, in kinda an offset way I didn't like, maybe because I was lazy, that I was being comforted for getting mad but not hysterical.
I think the happiest part was in Pennsylvania. There was a nice-looking girl who came in with a younger sister, who was pretty young, and she took an interest in me. She seemed so interesting, it was neat when I saw her spark up as she exited the room. I was also talking to a shorter, fatter brunette.
I know, I feel very like stiff and weighted, almost like trembling, from doing weight training, strength training. I haven't done much of that in my life.
Okay, so, then, I woke up again, and I imagined that my hand was being held, then someone putting their arm around my shoulder, and then picking me up. "I wonder what that means?"
I wanted to stay in bed but finally decided to get up!
Overly Obsessed With Children
I guess people born around 1960 have a big obsession with their children.
I imagine people with young fathers have cute kids, but isn't it ideal sometimes when the man is more mature and the woman is more youthful?
I imagine people with young fathers have cute kids, but isn't it ideal sometimes when the man is more mature and the woman is more youthful?
Not Feeling Anything
I do feel something, but like in another way I don't. Like, I feel comforts. It's hard to say how I didn't feel..
Tweet @TheEllenShow
Oh, yes, I am worried because my dad is born so much before my mom. How will I ever be like her? I was thinking, why would I say I want a mom of a different style? Why would I want to be like another woman?
Tweet @TheEllenShow
:)
So, I went at watched his deceased wife on YouTube and posted it on my blog. Wasn't she good? She was born just like a month before Johnny Depp, didn't have even to look it up. She reminds me a lot of you. Wow, people born just a little after you and into, well into the future, have a very condensed look, for some reason, and I don't know why! I saw the girl who played Veruca in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original movie. She was born I think about a year before you or 1|2 year. She looks very different now. I don't quite understand how you do it. I feel that people born like at certain times have this more metally look, like a sorta undetailed shaped head. I guess you go through steps in life, meet certain requirements, which is what I ended up doing, not how I wanted it. I would have been happy to have been like you, compared to how I was, but I was pretty smart, anyway, because I did art and things. Tim Burton is attractive. I also did gymnastics once a week as a kid. I wonder if he exercised more than me. He did swimming in high school. I've met people like that. :| I just started doing strength training now. I guess people'd want to know I did ballet, too, when it was available. I usually only went once a week. Audrey Hepburn did ballet, too, everyone knows... I think it made her very healthy. Some people think you're more interesting if you don't do ballet, but some people's lives revolve around that stuff. I watched "21 Jump Street" with Johnny Depp, and I remember the gymnastics part. It was interesting, too. The teacher seemed like a muscle woman, and the kid, who was younger than my mom, who was a gymnast in high school (did ballet as a kid and then in high school became #1 in Indonesia ... I think has ancestors all from China, probably all from South and Southeast China, 500 years ago... wanted to be figure skater, at first, but couldn't,) seemed pretty trashy. She was cute, but still.
So, anyway, I guess you were pretty smart. I have a lot of Dutch heritage, but I'm not like 3|4 Dutch myself. Hm. Audrey Hepburn's mom's last name was Swiss, I think. After I listened to the Swiss radio on iTunes at night, I had good dreams, but I started getting this very glossed over look I kept, which I like. I think I have Polish and Swiss Jewish, migrated to Germany. It's from my dad's mom's dad and mom, respectively. So, I guess I wouldn't have looked like you. I think I'm behind you but very old to ever be as good as you! I understand you're also Irish. I'm not sure if it's from your mom or dad. That's kinda like being Dutch. I thought I was almost 1|2 Irish, but I may be Anglo-Irish, which may be kinda special.
Oh, yes, so, my dad, as people may know who have seen his MySpace, is born in 1950, July 25, 1950. I think that's a Tuesday, like me and my mom. He's also a Tiger. So, I see this actor from Excalibur is born in 1952. Obviously, my mom is a lot younger. In fact, she's younger than you. 8^. I guess I can't give out her birthday. You know, I don't think she really cares at this point, but she's born in summer 1959. So, she's not in your class. I don't know if over in Europe or the 3rd world if they have generations, but I'm pretty sure that they do when it works. I saw my mom ... She said she was like a blonde, the fairest you could be, and very short but not the shortest. She has a friend here in Detroit who we used to visit when I went up north to visit my relatives ... my ancestors being from Northwestern Pennsylvania, my grandma being born in Cyclone, which had thick snow, at the time ... in mostly Southeastern New York, inland from the very West but at the Southern border. We stopped after we moved to the New Orleans area, to Slidell, which I'm sure you know well, though I don't know all the cities around where I lived as a kid. I lived there all as a teenger, and you know the reputation of it, kinda the worst place you could live. Still, I liked it and learned a lot and think it was worth it, could have been better, I hope. See, I used to stay up every night thinking I'd go to bed earlier the next day, mulling over homework, and mostly got the best grades. I used to be not as slow. I guess being mixed race made me feel bad, but I was capable, I guess. It might be because my dad's mom's dad's dad I think is Native American indian. He seemed like a cross of Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen... Viggo Mortensen looking like a tall, slim English boy with light brown hair. It seems that side has European tendencies or something, maybe stronger or something but seems pretty European, maybe has different stereotypes. It seems the descendents hvae been sorta whipped clean of their dignity, to say in the least, which I didn't notice before.
I guess I'm pretty worried because I guess I did go through life with a fascination for women born around 1950 and more older, though I was very jealous of women around your age. I thought my life should be like them. In fact, my dad's sister is born in 1960, the youngest one. Mid-1960. She had, I dunno, I saw pictures finally, kinda looked like the youngest girl from "The Brady Bunch" but thinner and more European in a way but not scrawny, would have been a good playmate for you, but always got in trouble I hear, though is pretty sweet, still, very much so. I grew up jealous of her, with her blue eyes. So, her hair used to be straight I guess and like darker than yours, of course, but pretty reddish and thick and course. It was fluffy when she was a pre-teen or older kid. I saw a picture of her in a dress like you wore, with buttons up it. I was so jealous and found something else with buttons up it that was snap buttons and not smooth material. I got 2 dresses of it, a short-sleeved one that was burgundy and a long-sleeved brown one I kept until I was almost 20. When I was a baby, I had crystally blue eyes, my mom said dark blue. It seems they were grayish blue. I guess I wanted to be something, but my dad had blue eyes, so I felt belittled. I'd love to sport sparkly blue eyes as a European. :^| I just posted some pictures, and they're light green, now. My hair seems to be glossing over in strawberry blonde or maroon, again. I've had my hair look purple, it seemed naturally, for maybe 2 days out of my life, when I was in Florida, still. I was born with like wood-colored hair. I guess I wanted to be like my parents. I saw it got pretty light as an infant and sometimes even had like white at the tips. I've had that as a young adult, too, but I guess my life got worse and it stopped. I wasn't as healthy and stuff, for some reason, and looked better with darker hair. Maybe I went to crazy doing things to change it. I found hairspray made the biggest difference, when I did my bun for ballet but quit so I would grow taller, to become like an actor and model and just as a person. I wondered probably about being 5'5"-5'10", like you! I guess I wanted to look more European. It seems I'm "workin' my way back to you, babe..." I was taking a walk, as I usually do, try to go every day or every other day, along the road with cars roaring past constantly, almost, it seems, sometimes. I saw my shadow, with bangs and ponytail for the first time, and I noticed I seemed obsessed with dancers from when I did ballet at a modern dance studio. I was into modern music and clothes before I left Florida. Then, I started dressing like you! Or people born in 1970 or 1950. I was only 12! I don't think I ever went back until now, though I did try to dress as a kid, all through high school. I guess kid clothes became more childish.
You know, so, you think about America ... and then you think like of things like Logan's Run, which I saw once, so far. My dad actually bought it on our TV like a month or so ago for me. The actors are English, though, and I was kinda thinking of it more for what it was than as being European. They're doing a remake, and I wanted to be in this movie, but I guess I can't.
It seems that people born in the 60s and 70s really have it going, you know? I like how you're born in the 50s, though, nice and cozy and smart and powerful. I don't knwo why people don;t trust me.
My arms aren't really that dainty, but I've gotten them to look skinny because I grew up with strong arms. So, I've suffered in that way, actually. I wanted them bigger for a different reason. I wanted to look like a "coral girl" saw working at a "coral store" in Downtown Disney, years ago. I went with my mom. She had bleached hair and was like hairy with white hair on her arms, looked like the ideal person, to me, totally knocked me out. She, like everyone who is accomplished, seemed to have an affinity for me. She was probably born in like 1975 or a little later. What about that bleached blonde who did the New Year's celebration around 2000? That English girl. She was pretty small but cool. Bigger than me, though, maybe not a bigger head than I had|have. I'm not sure my head is still big. I think when I had problems keeping up in school it got smaller and smaller, eventually. I didn't graduate but see you didn't, neither, though, apparently, you made the decision to leave and get a job. I enjoy living with my parents. I had fun on campus, even the semesters I suffered. I should have either taken less courses or come home. Because of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I considered not even going to college, but that was after I got in. I did Music Education and was trying to graduate early and did some extra things.
I feel I've past that stage, wanting to look like a "coral girl."
I want to work at Disney World. It would be an awesome experience. My friend, a year older by shy of a month, worked there, pretty big, and she hasn't talked to me since ... well, after. We were keeping up. She's originally from San Fransisco and moved to Slidell as a pre-teen I think. We were on Facebook. I want to work for your ride. However, my hair is dark. I liked it frizzy because I guess it seemed cool, but it's not as thick, anymore. I don't know why, but, when people cut my hair, they said I had thick hair. I had a friend with lots of fine white hair. She was part Swedish, I remember 5% Swedish 5% French. I see my hair is getting less frizzy but in a bad way. I don't have as much hair. :( It was so thick and frizzy. I couldn't even comb it. Neither could a new friend in our group who had smooth black hair who was rich and was Clara in ballet, though she looked like a normal girl, not bony or anything. She looked like another rich girl I did baton with with like gold hair. They both had freckles and sparkly eyes and had that same look, for some reason. The baton girl was thinner. Her mom came in and cut her nails because they grew like a few centemeters every 2 days. I know I'm very sensitive and always have been very sensitive about my nails and cutting them. I think everyone else shares that same feeling. So, I was a bit weird and said I didn't like long nails, was a bit obtuse, and her mom said her nails were disgusting. A girl from NYC with fluffy black hair and blue eyes told me I was disgusting, too, probably after. I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm mixed.
So, yea, I used to have like big ball eyes and a big sorta rounded out head.
Ugh, I just went to the bathroom! And I felt so bad. I mean, I look like I'm addicted to fish or something, which I have a hunger for. Just not when I eat out.
So, it seems that, when you aren't mostly European, that when you look more generic that it seems more pleasing.
Your mom looked very good. I saw a picture of her as a kid next to a picture of you. You look kinda like my mom. I guess my Grandma is kinda in the middle when she was younger. I don't know why ... nevermind. Her mom I think had a supple nose and was suppsedly all Dutch, seemed reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's mom, but her last name is from the northern Scottish islands. Actually, her dad's last name is supposedly from either Scotland or northern England. However, my dad's dad's last name isn't real Irish.
So, yea, I've definitely connected with my dad's race, primarily. I guess I see myself like as my mom and not as her race.
It seems my dad is definitely supple, not like you, though, but more supple, very supple. My mom is from Indonesia and so is different.
I find that with my German that I'm not really cut out like most mixed Germans are. I'm more European. Wait, but all I'm thinking of at the moment is people mixed with minority ethnicities. I was thinking in some ways that was from being Dutch, so it's more European, and I don't feel anything.
So, I guess I want to look cut out like you! Like all those other people. I'm not quite sure what program I was milking to.
So, I went at watched his deceased wife on YouTube and posted it on my blog. Wasn't she good? She was born just like a month before Johnny Depp, didn't have even to look it up. She reminds me a lot of you. Wow, people born just a little after you and into, well into the future, have a very condensed look, for some reason, and I don't know why! I saw the girl who played Veruca in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original movie. She was born I think about a year before you or 1|2 year. She looks very different now. I don't quite understand how you do it. I feel that people born like at certain times have this more metally look, like a sorta undetailed shaped head. I guess you go through steps in life, meet certain requirements, which is what I ended up doing, not how I wanted it. I would have been happy to have been like you, compared to how I was, but I was pretty smart, anyway, because I did art and things. Tim Burton is attractive. I also did gymnastics once a week as a kid. I wonder if he exercised more than me. He did swimming in high school. I've met people like that. :| I just started doing strength training now. I guess people'd want to know I did ballet, too, when it was available. I usually only went once a week. Audrey Hepburn did ballet, too, everyone knows... I think it made her very healthy. Some people think you're more interesting if you don't do ballet, but some people's lives revolve around that stuff. I watched "21 Jump Street" with Johnny Depp, and I remember the gymnastics part. It was interesting, too. The teacher seemed like a muscle woman, and the kid, who was younger than my mom, who was a gymnast in high school (did ballet as a kid and then in high school became #1 in Indonesia ... I think has ancestors all from China, probably all from South and Southeast China, 500 years ago... wanted to be figure skater, at first, but couldn't,) seemed pretty trashy. She was cute, but still.
So, anyway, I guess you were pretty smart. I have a lot of Dutch heritage, but I'm not like 3|4 Dutch myself. Hm. Audrey Hepburn's mom's last name was Swiss, I think. After I listened to the Swiss radio on iTunes at night, I had good dreams, but I started getting this very glossed over look I kept, which I like. I think I have Polish and Swiss Jewish, migrated to Germany. It's from my dad's mom's dad and mom, respectively. So, I guess I wouldn't have looked like you. I think I'm behind you but very old to ever be as good as you! I understand you're also Irish. I'm not sure if it's from your mom or dad. That's kinda like being Dutch. I thought I was almost 1|2 Irish, but I may be Anglo-Irish, which may be kinda special.
Oh, yes, so, my dad, as people may know who have seen his MySpace, is born in 1950, July 25, 1950. I think that's a Tuesday, like me and my mom. He's also a Tiger. So, I see this actor from Excalibur is born in 1952. Obviously, my mom is a lot younger. In fact, she's younger than you. 8^. I guess I can't give out her birthday. You know, I don't think she really cares at this point, but she's born in summer 1959. So, she's not in your class. I don't know if over in Europe or the 3rd world if they have generations, but I'm pretty sure that they do when it works. I saw my mom ... She said she was like a blonde, the fairest you could be, and very short but not the shortest. She has a friend here in Detroit who we used to visit when I went up north to visit my relatives ... my ancestors being from Northwestern Pennsylvania, my grandma being born in Cyclone, which had thick snow, at the time ... in mostly Southeastern New York, inland from the very West but at the Southern border. We stopped after we moved to the New Orleans area, to Slidell, which I'm sure you know well, though I don't know all the cities around where I lived as a kid. I lived there all as a teenger, and you know the reputation of it, kinda the worst place you could live. Still, I liked it and learned a lot and think it was worth it, could have been better, I hope. See, I used to stay up every night thinking I'd go to bed earlier the next day, mulling over homework, and mostly got the best grades. I used to be not as slow. I guess being mixed race made me feel bad, but I was capable, I guess. It might be because my dad's mom's dad's dad I think is Native American indian. He seemed like a cross of Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen... Viggo Mortensen looking like a tall, slim English boy with light brown hair. It seems that side has European tendencies or something, maybe stronger or something but seems pretty European, maybe has different stereotypes. It seems the descendents hvae been sorta whipped clean of their dignity, to say in the least, which I didn't notice before.
I guess I'm pretty worried because I guess I did go through life with a fascination for women born around 1950 and more older, though I was very jealous of women around your age. I thought my life should be like them. In fact, my dad's sister is born in 1960, the youngest one. Mid-1960. She had, I dunno, I saw pictures finally, kinda looked like the youngest girl from "The Brady Bunch" but thinner and more European in a way but not scrawny, would have been a good playmate for you, but always got in trouble I hear, though is pretty sweet, still, very much so. I grew up jealous of her, with her blue eyes. So, her hair used to be straight I guess and like darker than yours, of course, but pretty reddish and thick and course. It was fluffy when she was a pre-teen or older kid. I saw a picture of her in a dress like you wore, with buttons up it. I was so jealous and found something else with buttons up it that was snap buttons and not smooth material. I got 2 dresses of it, a short-sleeved one that was burgundy and a long-sleeved brown one I kept until I was almost 20. When I was a baby, I had crystally blue eyes, my mom said dark blue. It seems they were grayish blue. I guess I wanted to be something, but my dad had blue eyes, so I felt belittled. I'd love to sport sparkly blue eyes as a European. :^| I just posted some pictures, and they're light green, now. My hair seems to be glossing over in strawberry blonde or maroon, again. I've had my hair look purple, it seemed naturally, for maybe 2 days out of my life, when I was in Florida, still. I was born with like wood-colored hair. I guess I wanted to be like my parents. I saw it got pretty light as an infant and sometimes even had like white at the tips. I've had that as a young adult, too, but I guess my life got worse and it stopped. I wasn't as healthy and stuff, for some reason, and looked better with darker hair. Maybe I went to crazy doing things to change it. I found hairspray made the biggest difference, when I did my bun for ballet but quit so I would grow taller, to become like an actor and model and just as a person. I wondered probably about being 5'5"-5'10", like you! I guess I wanted to look more European. It seems I'm "workin' my way back to you, babe..." I was taking a walk, as I usually do, try to go every day or every other day, along the road with cars roaring past constantly, almost, it seems, sometimes. I saw my shadow, with bangs and ponytail for the first time, and I noticed I seemed obsessed with dancers from when I did ballet at a modern dance studio. I was into modern music and clothes before I left Florida. Then, I started dressing like you! Or people born in 1970 or 1950. I was only 12! I don't think I ever went back until now, though I did try to dress as a kid, all through high school. I guess kid clothes became more childish.
You know, so, you think about America ... and then you think like of things like Logan's Run, which I saw once, so far. My dad actually bought it on our TV like a month or so ago for me. The actors are English, though, and I was kinda thinking of it more for what it was than as being European. They're doing a remake, and I wanted to be in this movie, but I guess I can't.
It seems that people born in the 60s and 70s really have it going, you know? I like how you're born in the 50s, though, nice and cozy and smart and powerful. I don't knwo why people don;t trust me.
My arms aren't really that dainty, but I've gotten them to look skinny because I grew up with strong arms. So, I've suffered in that way, actually. I wanted them bigger for a different reason. I wanted to look like a "coral girl" saw working at a "coral store" in Downtown Disney, years ago. I went with my mom. She had bleached hair and was like hairy with white hair on her arms, looked like the ideal person, to me, totally knocked me out. She, like everyone who is accomplished, seemed to have an affinity for me. She was probably born in like 1975 or a little later. What about that bleached blonde who did the New Year's celebration around 2000? That English girl. She was pretty small but cool. Bigger than me, though, maybe not a bigger head than I had|have. I'm not sure my head is still big. I think when I had problems keeping up in school it got smaller and smaller, eventually. I didn't graduate but see you didn't, neither, though, apparently, you made the decision to leave and get a job. I enjoy living with my parents. I had fun on campus, even the semesters I suffered. I should have either taken less courses or come home. Because of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I considered not even going to college, but that was after I got in. I did Music Education and was trying to graduate early and did some extra things.
I feel I've past that stage, wanting to look like a "coral girl."
I want to work at Disney World. It would be an awesome experience. My friend, a year older by shy of a month, worked there, pretty big, and she hasn't talked to me since ... well, after. We were keeping up. She's originally from San Fransisco and moved to Slidell as a pre-teen I think. We were on Facebook. I want to work for your ride. However, my hair is dark. I liked it frizzy because I guess it seemed cool, but it's not as thick, anymore. I don't know why, but, when people cut my hair, they said I had thick hair. I had a friend with lots of fine white hair. She was part Swedish, I remember 5% Swedish 5% French. I see my hair is getting less frizzy but in a bad way. I don't have as much hair. :( It was so thick and frizzy. I couldn't even comb it. Neither could a new friend in our group who had smooth black hair who was rich and was Clara in ballet, though she looked like a normal girl, not bony or anything. She looked like another rich girl I did baton with with like gold hair. They both had freckles and sparkly eyes and had that same look, for some reason. The baton girl was thinner. Her mom came in and cut her nails because they grew like a few centemeters every 2 days. I know I'm very sensitive and always have been very sensitive about my nails and cutting them. I think everyone else shares that same feeling. So, I was a bit weird and said I didn't like long nails, was a bit obtuse, and her mom said her nails were disgusting. A girl from NYC with fluffy black hair and blue eyes told me I was disgusting, too, probably after. I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm mixed.
So, yea, I used to have like big ball eyes and a big sorta rounded out head.
Ugh, I just went to the bathroom! And I felt so bad. I mean, I look like I'm addicted to fish or something, which I have a hunger for. Just not when I eat out.
So, it seems that, when you aren't mostly European, that when you look more generic that it seems more pleasing.
Your mom looked very good. I saw a picture of her as a kid next to a picture of you. You look kinda like my mom. I guess my Grandma is kinda in the middle when she was younger. I don't know why ... nevermind. Her mom I think had a supple nose and was suppsedly all Dutch, seemed reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's mom, but her last name is from the northern Scottish islands. Actually, her dad's last name is supposedly from either Scotland or northern England. However, my dad's dad's last name isn't real Irish.
So, yea, I've definitely connected with my dad's race, primarily. I guess I see myself like as my mom and not as her race.
It seems my dad is definitely supple, not like you, though, but more supple, very supple. My mom is from Indonesia and so is different.
I find that with my German that I'm not really cut out like most mixed Germans are. I'm more European. Wait, but all I'm thinking of at the moment is people mixed with minority ethnicities. I was thinking in some ways that was from being Dutch, so it's more European, and I don't feel anything.
So, I guess I want to look cut out like you! Like all those other people. I'm not quite sure what program I was milking to.
Tweet @TaliaJoy18
I saw you on "The Ellen Show." I'm sorry you're about to die, soon. I've been going through lots of thoughts it seems somehow about like certain ways I might die but, honestly, abstractly. It must be really scary and makes me really sad. You know, I've lived in Orlando since 2005. I came home from college mid-2006. Anyway, I walk around at night, ready to live life by the day and do not wait for anything nor let anything get in my way. I've often felt in danger in how I've lived, very much so. I had a brain tumor, but it was very small, under my brain, affecting my period cycle. I didn't have my period for over a year. It was from psychiatric medicine. I'm sure I didn't need it. It affected that part of my brain. I have my period back, but, for instance, this time, it's not very heavy, which depresses me, because it was the last 2 times, though not as heavy as it should be. I was even always wearing diapers as an adult. It's very saddening. I had lucsious, thick, gooey, almost black it seemed blood. I'm waiting to get it back and should have not taken the medicine. You know, I ended up taking it at 16, forced. I got off it soon, and it didn't affect my period, the same medicine. I had problems with my brain then, too. I felt it totally go out, like it was useless, but I know I can get over it. My health has been pretty poor as well, maybe more than yours. It's neat that Ellen knows you now. I asked her ot go to Disney with me, on Twitter, but not directly. https://twitter.com/DisneyGhost. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe. (I didn't count that.) I don't really know, don't honestly feel she would go to Disney with her fans. She went on a roller coaster with Portia. A fan was behind her. I honestly think that stars should go to Disney together and invite like special fans, like ones who keep up online. I figured Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres was pretty special. People like you should meet her. I would honestly like to, but maybe I'm not the right person for that.
Michael Jackson
When I went to the wax museum in Saint Augustine, Florida, visiting when I was older, there was a section on Michael Jackson. Oh, this is the oldest continuing city in the United States, located in Northeastern Florida, the suburb of a major city, the most major city in Northeastern Florida and probably the most urban area of all Florida, where I lived when I was 5 & 6|7. So, we lived in the oldest city when I was 9, 10, & 11. It's what's shaped me most as who I am today as a European person, unless you want to include the New Orleans area when I was a teenager. So, we went back and it's gotten pretty trashy. It used to be more interesting. In some ways, it wasn't as annoying. There's a torture chamber, but I never went in it. I did peek in to get a general idea for the colors and whereabouts of it inside. So, anyway, they had like a big section barred 8^. off with Michael Jackson. He was leaning over in a gravesite. Like, maybe one leg was bent. I tried to get a good recording of it but lost it on my old computer. I heard cackling like a witch, well sinister laughter that was above my head there. Oh, this city is Spanish, and I probably soaked it in more than anyone. We used to walk around all the time, and it was like hotter than almost anything it seemed but not really. No, not really, in every way... So, it was so spooky. It was so stupid! You could hardly see in there. There must have been some "retarded crap" on there. So, my dad let me in on that it was a famous song he did. I think there was sinister cackling speech preceeding it and you only heard the laughter a bit.
Michael Jackson was sorta the one who "got me into music.." We studied whales in 1st grade. There was a movie that came out that he did called Free Willy. He did the theme music. I was only 6, when we studied the whales and were on TV for it. I think I lost it in the flood|hurricane. I was interested in singing before, tried when I was 5, which seemed much younger.
I see he's just a few days younger than Tim Burton? Ooh. So, he's more of Johnny Depp's generation? Johnny Depp is related to the first freed African-American slave. When I grew up, my mom always said she slaved away, but I remember helping and not really having much fun, myself. :| I mean, people thought I was kinda ugly, I think, like disgusting-looking, like an old person. I think I did that on purpose, but I wasn't dirty.
Michael Jackson was sorta the one who "got me into music.." We studied whales in 1st grade. There was a movie that came out that he did called Free Willy. He did the theme music. I was only 6, when we studied the whales and were on TV for it. I think I lost it in the flood|hurricane. I was interested in singing before, tried when I was 5, which seemed much younger.
I see he's just a few days younger than Tim Burton? Ooh. So, he's more of Johnny Depp's generation? Johnny Depp is related to the first freed African-American slave. When I grew up, my mom always said she slaved away, but I remember helping and not really having much fun, myself. :| I mean, people thought I was kinda ugly, I think, like disgusting-looking, like an old person. I think I did that on purpose, but I wasn't dirty.
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